


I Am The Murderer

by WasInReality



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Curses, Death, Exwire(s) (Ao no Exorcist), Gore, Murder Mystery, Satan Being a Jerk (Ao no Exorcist)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26328598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WasInReality/pseuds/WasInReality
Summary: When Rin was born Satan gave him a curse that would activate when he was five and has made Rin's life a living hell ever since. A few weeks after Rin came to True Cross Academy a murderer was the gossip of True Cross, but what's really scaring the students is that the murderer is only killing the students. What does Rin's curse have to do with this and why is Mephisto so upset about his chess pieces dying I thought he planned this?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have read this before and wondering where the chapters have gone? I'm currently rewriting the ones that were written as I didn't like how they were written and many misspellings and short chapters.
> 
> So enjoy the new and improved ones!
> 
> Leaving constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated

Rin was the innocent boy we had been led to believe, he was innocent but his struggles were not, his struggles were beyond human comprehension. 

Before Shiro could get to the twins when they were born, Satan cursed Rin to make sure he would come to him for help and come home. The catch was that it wouldn't activate until he was five or else it would be too obvious that he was cursed.

After the curse activated he developed a 'blood lust' if that's what you wanted to call it. He wanted to hurt others, wish to see the crimson red liquid that flowed through their veins come from them and hear their pained screams. In his head, he didn't want to hurt others but his curse longed for it. He did this in the form of protecting his brother and when people got on his nerves. 

Rin had good control of his curse, that was until it started getting stronger and when he was twelve he got overwhelmed by it. 

Flashback

Rin stood above the man holding a rock, a stone-cold expression stole his usual happy and excited one he wore on the daily. 

The boy that owned that expression lay sleeping in his mind unable to wake up until his curse went dormant for the most part once again. 

The curse had overwhelmed him causing him to lose control over his mind and body. He'd felt it build up inside him over the weeks no matter how hard he tried to tie it down or ignore or satisfy his lust using his fists. He wasn't entirely sure what would happen when he reached his limit but he wasn't going to be happy when he woke up in a puddle of blood his heart lusted so badly for. If he wasn't so hung on being a good person, he'd probably bathe in the liquid like his father of whom he knew nothing of.

The man lay frightened and slightly bloodied and bruised of the few smaller stones that had hit him during his run from the dangerously strong boy. He now sat in an alleyway trying to persuade the unresponsive boy to spare his life.

However, nothing was working. It was like he was possessed, his actions like that of a robot, controlled perfectly.

"My, my isn't this quite a show," Mephisto stood behind the boy who didn't turn nor did he seem like he acknowledged the presence of the man behind him. The man sighed in relief that there was someone to save him but he didn't exactly get a good vibe from him, he almost felt worse than the boy in front of him.

"What a tragedy, can't even control your own blood lust." The man smirked. 

Rin raised his hand that held the rock, ready to throw and pick up many more. Before the man could be stoned to death the boy was turned around and Mephisto waved his index finger. "Not yet." Though it would be convenient for him to kill now and get into the habit of enjoying it -according to Satan and Mephisto that is- he couldn't, it would be too risky and wreck the clowns _very_ precise timeline -plans were already needed to be remade since his blood lust had taken over earlier than expected.

Mephisto whacked the boys head, knocking him out. He turned to the man telling him to get out of here in which he nodded profusely and got up going past Mephisto who grabbed his arm giving him a dangerous look letting his terrifying aura seep out. "Tell anyone about this and I'll hunt you down." 

"O-Of course." The man quickly ran off not looking back.

Mephisto picked the boy up going back to his pink limo. "Back to the mansion," Mephisto ordered and the butler didn't fault at his task. The limo drove off to the mansion where Rin would learn the truth.

Mephisto entered his mansion setting Rin down on his sofa and Mephisto on a chair not too far away from the said sofa.

The silence swept the mansion for hours until a groan was heard. "You took your sweet time didn't you." It wasn't a question. Rin looked at the grinning man in panic. He'd never been in this place nor seen a place which looked so expensive. "W-Who are you? Where a-am I?" Rin asked looking around for his eyes only to come back to lay on the oddly dressed man. 

"I am Johann Faust V but you may call me Mephisto Pheles. And this is my mansion," Mephisto answered showcasing his mansion by putting his hand upwards and outwards. "I am also the demon king of time, your older brother. One of them at least." He informed, however, the boy did not take the information well. 

"No! I only have one brother! My younger brother, Yukio!" Rin stood up on the couch yelling refusing to accept the truth. 

"No, no, you're my youngest sibling, a demon, son of Satan," Mephisto said once again. "NO! I'M NOT A DEMON!!!" Mephisto wasn't that surprised. "Oh but you are, only a demon would do such horrid things." Mephisto lied, he knew humanity could do much worse things than any demon but the boy needed to understand. "Trying to kill a man, hurting others, bringing such disappointment to his family. See, only a demon could do those things." 

Mephisto was getting into his head, letting the boy come to the conclusion that he in fact was a demon. Even if words alone couldn't convince him there was enough evidence to do so but Mephisto wanted the perfect proof.

Rin continued to shout and scream he wasn't a demon and Mephisto who only also continued to tell him he was a demon which angered the and upset the boy further. He needed the boy to reach his climax so he could finally ignite.

"NO! NO! NO! I'M NOT A DEMON! I'M NOT!!!" Rin screamed as he burst into blue flames. The yelling stopped as blue filled his vision and heat radiated off him before it calmed to small lingering flames.

"What the hell?" He asked, staring at the blue flames itching at his arms. He looked back at the man who only smiled, happy with the outcome. (Oh, Shiro would be so angry at him.)

"See, you are a demon, those flames are the symbol of Satan," Mephisto informed. Rin still didn't want to believe it but the evidence was there. 

"I-It's true isn't it?" He wanted confirmation even if he already knew the answer. He didn't trust the man but as of late he didn't trust himself either.

"Of course." He grinned. "Now come join me for tea." He told him as Belial entered.

"I'll have some tea." He told the demon butler who then proceeded to look at the boy who was nervously looking at the flames as they slowly retreated to his body and their blue light faded. 

He looked up and saw the butler looking at him Rin then looked at Mephisto. "Get him a cup of water," Mephisto told the butler before shooing him off.

"Come join me at the table, it's rather rude to just sit there and stare," Mephisto told him with a smirk. Rin quickly looked away embarrassed and stood up walking over to the chair nervously sitting down. He'd never been anywhere so expensive, he was afraid if he touched anything it would quickly break under his touch -having just discovered he was a demon also added to his shook state.

Belial soon returned into the silence delivering his master's tea and guest's water. He placed the tray down on the table picking up and setting down the tea set in front of his master and sat the cup of water down in front of Rin who sat to the right of Mephisto on the long table of chairs then left.

The room was silent other than the noise of tea pouring into the teacup Mephisto soon picked up and sipped out of and hummed at the taste.

"To start this off, don't go having another tantrum, I'm not here to deal with such childish acts," Mephisto spoke sternly but his normal taunting, cunning voice ran throughout the tone.

Rin hummed in response not looking up just starting at his water in the clear cup. He didn't move no matter how much he wanted to fidget with his clothing or fingers under the table. 

"Now let's go from the beginning." He smirked, putting his tea off to the side and clasping his hands. 

Rin looked up to him feeling the need but he regretted it the moment he saw the smirk it was so mischievous almost scary, it made shivers go down his spine. 

"Satan is your father, your mother was human, an exorcist in fact!" He said excitedly. 

"I am one of your eight half brothers," Rin was disturbed by the information, to have someone like Mephisto as a relative didn't seem good. 

As Mephisto continued Rin removed his gaze from Mephisto and recentred it to the cup uncomfortably. 

"You possess Satan's flames which are locked inside a sword locked in the monastery. You've awakened so you have access to a small portion of your flames." 

Rin took in the shocking information, having a blood lust didn't seem entirely normal to him as no-one else seemed to have it but this was on a whole other level of abnormal. 

"And on the topic of Satan, he's the one who gave you your blood lust," Rin quickly looked up from his water astounded, that was something he didn't expect to hear that there was an explanation for his blood lust. He'd once thought about how it could be a genetic but discarded the idea.

"Before Shiro so kindly picked you up Satan cursed you with uncontrollable blood lust," Mephsito told no more on the subject, he knew why, he knew the future but he couldn't ruin all the fun, he quite enjoyed his game of humanity.

The silence overtook for a few moments as Rin tried to take in and process all the new information which he was slightly struggling to do in such a small time.

"Well, you should be getting back, I'm sure Shiro is very worried about you." He gave an uneasy smile Rin only nodded feeling the effect of the man's smile.

Rin jumped down from his chair leaving the glass still filled with water and Mephisto snapped letting the dishes go to the kitchen to be cleaned.

Mephisto walked through his mansion to his limo with the small boy following behind him looking deep in thought, Belial drove the boy home where he was told not to tell anyone of their encounter. 

He was then scolded by his father for staying out so long and worrying everyone to no ends. Rin tried his best to keep up his act the best he could but he had no doubt his father noticed the differences in him but gave no indication that he did other than watching him closely for a week.

Flashback end

Rin eventually got better at acting until it no longer was an act, he got used to it all quickly and just put what he knew to the back of his mind and got on with his life and fighting for his brother while also keeping his blood lust under control.

However, one thing that changed was that the feeling of his blood lust was a constant reminder of who his father was. Mephisto would appear and sometimes tell "fun facts" about Satan that would make the feeling worse. 

But he had to get on with life even if he had to live with the feeling of hatred directed to himself and drowned in the guilt of lying and hurting others but he wouldn't run the risk of hurting his family or them finding out things they didn't need to know about.

Rin sometimes thought that maybe telling Shiro would be better, he could help him -which he already did, when he was around Shiro the blood lust would disappear- but Mephisto said he couldn't, it was all part of his great plan.


	2. Lustful nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to upload, it was originally gonna go out yesterday but I couldn't get the italics right and got annoyed. 
> 
> I'm gonna try get chapter's done faster but don't know if it'll go much faster. I'm hoping to get it done in at least a month.

Thoughts ran rampant through my head as I continued to be soaked by the pouring rain. _'How fitting, raining on the day of a funeral. His funeral.'_

The old man was really dead, no punch line, no laughs in response to how funny the joke was. No, he was six feet under now and there was nothing I could do about it.

My father, my anchor was gone, no way to make the blood lust go away, even if just for a few hours. 

I looked to my right to see Yukio staring at me before turning away and walking back to the monastery where everyone else was. 

I took my unfocused gaze back to the gravestone on my father's grave staring at, my expression filled with guilt and sorrow, my heart aching the same.

I stood still a little longer until I picked the phone dad gave to me out of my pocket and held it for a moment before flipping it open and calling the only number saved on it.

I put it to my ear and listened to the ringing but took it off my ear in surprise when I heard another ringtone. I looked around for the owner until the ringtone got closer and there stood the one man I knew I'd see but hoped I wouldn't. 

It wasn't a surprise to see him as the only contact saved on my dad's phone.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Okumura-Kun," the man greeted, giving a slight bow. "You have my sympathies, Shiro was a dear friend of mine." 

I didn't like his tone one bit, my expression moulded into an annoyed one. _'Sympathies my ass.'_

"So are you gonna protect me?"

I didn't want to ask him for help but he was my only option, who knew who or what was after me now. I was afraid that Astaroth would come for me again, that maniac had already caused more than enough destruction in my life for one night.

"You should know better than that Okumura-Kun. As exorcists, we can't allow the son of Satan to roam free here in Assiah."

_'So this was his plan all along, to just kill me off in the end? Not happening!'_

"So, you have two options, let us kill you or kill us and make a run for it…Or there is always the option of suicide so I guess that makes it three," Mephisto corrected himself.

 _'My blood lust would love that second option.'_ And the bastard knew it.

I didn't hesitate to give my answer. 

"Let me join you!" I shouted and let my thoughts be made public. "I'm not related to the filthy beast! My only father was the old man!"

"Why should I let you become an exorcist? What would you do if you were one?" Mephisto asked in slight disbelief, however, smirking. I knew he already knew what I would do, he was a horrible actor after all.

"I'll kick Satan's ass!" _'To avenge my dad and to get back at him for cursing me.'_ Was the unspoken part of my statement.

A reaction wasn't long-awaited, the man burst into laughter before I could say anything else, I didn't exactly expect any other reaction but he could have at least acted as if he believed me.

"I've never heard anything like it…Hmmm, I like it! Sounds like quite the show!" He shot his hands into the air for a second before lowering them, finishing his sentence.

_'Doesn't sound like a good show to me.'_

"This path you've chosen is long and treacherous, are you sure you still want to go down it?" Mephisto's smirk never left his face.

"Aren't I already on it?" 

"Haha, you're quite right." His smirk widened further. "Well, be sure to be ready for tomorrow! I'll be picking you up to bring you and your brother to True Cross. Farewell for now!" He waved before making his way back out of the graveyard.

I stared at the floor before looking back at the gravestone and bent down putting my hand atop it. "I guess if you're watching me from above then you'll see what's actually going on…" 

I didn't stay any longer, I made my way back to the church where everyone else was, sympathetic looks were exchanged and the night drew on silently.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late"

"Yukio?!" I said 'surprised', I knew he was an exorcist and had been training for years but I couldn't reveal that because _"it will wreck my plan!"_

"I'm surprised you're taking us to True Cross," Yukio stated.

_'Surprised my ass.'_

"Yeah, the old man said he was going to take care of us," I told him though he already knew that.

"I never thought I'd be going to the same school as you Nii~san."

_'Wow, smooth insult.'_

"School?!! You never said anything about school!!" I shouted getting up into Mephisto's face.

"You want to be an exorcist don't you?" 

"Of course I do!" 

"Then studying is the first step to becoming one!" He grinned humorously.

"Well, come on now, get in!" He motioned to the door and let us climb in and followed in after us.

* * *

"I'm guessing I'll have to follow your little plan and go to this damn school?" I grumbled unhappily, I always hated school, especially the people in it.

"Of course, I can't have you ruining my plans again like last time." 'Last time' referring to my blood lust going out of control. 

"Remember though! Your identity as the son of Satan must be kept a secret!" He grinned, pointing at me, being overdramatic with the cape per usual but he was right, I couldn't let my identity slip.

"Come on now." He counted to three in german and snapped his fingers poofing into his dog form.

I stared for a moment before sighing. _'This isn't going to end well…'_

We walked through the hall on the patterned floor, I looked at the fancy looking walls and doors, the ceiling was just as fancy as the rest of the building.

"Your classroom is 1106," Mephisto informed and I started looking at each door for the number.

Eventually, we stopped at the door that said 1106. I picked up my hand to open the door but froze at it. This was my last chance to back down, for no-one to ever have to know about my heritage, my blood lust, my past sins, maybe even my future sins.

I finally pushed my thoughts away and gathered the courage to begin the next step in Mephisto's unknown chaotic plan. 

I looked around to see _only seven_ but didn't bother to think about it much more. I made my way to a seat at the front of the class and Mephisto joined me on the table.

"Alright, quiet down!"

I looked over with wide eyes as he walked in.

"Oh, shit- Yukio!" 

I stood up shocked but quickly sat back down. "You didn't tell me he was a teacher here!" I whispered to Mephisto's dog form. 

"Did I not?" He asked in a sarcastic voice, I grumbled and rolled my eyes looking back over to Yukio.

"As you can see I am the same age as all of you, however, I've been studying to be an exorcist for two years." He spoke coherently.

"Now, does anyone here not have a mashou?" He asked looking around for the people who raised their hands of which three did so.

"Alright, three of you." He pulled out a vile filled with what looked to be blood, I stared at it intensely for a couple of seconds before moving my gaze away so I wouldn't get caught, Yukio was very observant after all.

"This is rotten animal blood, it will draw low-level demons here when they catch the smell, I'll also be mixing it with milk as goblins are keen on it.

Yukio looked at me before looking away, it was rather annoying he was acting like I didn't exist. I frowned and leaned my chin on my palm but soon raised it as he dropped the vile.

"Uhh! That stinks!" I said holding my nose to try not to breathe in the horrid smell.

"Demons!" A boy with two-toned hair pointed out loudly standing up as the classroom erupted into chaos. 

Yukio quickly drew his guns shooting the goblin-like creatures, sending them back to Gehenna. 

_'That feeling!...'_ I thought as I felt my blood lust coming on strong. It had been lingering around for days but I knew the feeling, it was when I saw blood, it triggered it.

"Everybody out!" 

They all filtered out of the classroom quickly however, I sat there frozen staring at the puddle of rotten animal blood.

"You too Okumura-san!" Yukio's voice sounded distant, blurred, almost not there at all, the noise outside blurred together sounding foggy.

"Okumura!" A hand slammed on my table and I snapped out of it and looked up to Yukio to see him glaring at me. "Now!" 

I looked around then to the door to see some of my classmates looking in, watching me. "I'm going!" I replied annoyed and stood up, shoving my hands in my pockets as Mephisto jumped down off the table, following me out the room. 

As I started walking out the shooting resumed but stopped after a while. I went towards the door but my wrist was grabbed.

"Hey! Teach hasn't told us to go in yet!" The rooster styled hair dude reprimanded and I glared back at him.

"I'm going to check if he's okay!" I shouted back.

"He'll come out when it's safe!" He shouted back, he was really starting to piss me off—not that I wasn't already.

"He's my brother damnit!" 

Before he could reply there was a yelp from inside, I didn't hesitate I rushed inside slamming the door behind me.

Yukio shot the goblin on top of him and got back to shooting the other goblins.

"Okumura! Go back outside!" He shouted looking back slightly while also killing the demons attacking.

"Cut the crap!" I shouted angrily.

"I said go back outside!" 

"I said stop it Yukio! I'm your brother damnit!!" 

"Tell me! You knew all along what did you think about me?!!" I had always wanted to ask but couldn't as I wasn't meant to know according to everyone at the monastery.

I heard him sigh, taking a moment to answer. "...You're a monster! A threat to society! You should turn yourself in! Or better yet, just die!!" I stood shocked at his words, my one brother telling me to die. My brother! Yet I felt I shouldn't be surprised, still, I never expected it to come from him out of all people.

"You want to become an exorcist for some cursed reason?! Revenge?! Some twisted way of making amends to our father?!" He asked angrily, his tone also laced with hatred.

That set me off. "No! I'm becoming an exorcist so no-one else has to die because of me!" I shouted back. "And I didn't kill the old man!"

"Satan couldn't possess his body meaning you must have said something! It's your fault!!" He shouted again. "You've always been his weakness, his downfall!" He vociferated, pointing his gun at me

"Say what you want, I don't care, I don't but don't you _DARE_ POINT A GUN AT YOUR BROTHER!!!" I opened my sword running forward, I quickly saw his furious stare form to a desperate one.

"Shoot me!!" I mean it wouldn't be the worst choice, I wouldn't have to live with the blood lust anymore but if I went to Gehenna like the goblins then I'd have to deal with Satan and he'd try to make me into his perfect blood-lusting killing machine. Plus, I plan on killing Satan so I'd rather stay alive till then.

He didn't pull the trigger, I ran behind him and slashed the massive goblin behind him, sending it back to Gehenna.

"I don't know who the hell you think I am but I _won't_ fight my brother!" I gritted my teeth showing my fangs, sheathing the sword. 

Yukio stood still before looking down and away. 

We stood in silence for a couple of moments before he spoke up.

"What was father like in his last moments?" 

"He was really cool… He died protecting me," I replied, a small smile appeared on my face at the memory, I'd acted as if I hated him sometimes but we both knew the unspoken words but he heard them loud and clear. "I love you too dad." I knew he did, he easily understood me and I knew he would have understood my blood lust and would have helped me.

Silence overtook us for a moment before he spoke up.

"Those words I said earlier, remember I will not be the only one to say them or think them. You have to be prepared for that." 

"I know that." I'd always known the fact everyone around me always thought I was a monster, a demon, a danger, a hazard to avoid. They whispered it to each other and somehow I always heard them no matter how hard I tried to ignore them. 

Yukio made his way over to the door and opened it to the students. "Sorry for the trouble everyone, let's go to another classroom, you too Okumura!" He called back smiling.

"Coming sensei!" I called back grinning quickly following after them.

* * *

"I think this is it…Yukio?!" I shouted in surprise.

"Surprised? Well, you need someone to keep an eye on you, you're dangerous after all. I thought I'd volunteer so you wouldn't have to be looked over by another exorcist. They probably wouldn't be as kind as me."

"So this is a damn jail?!!" I shouted angry that I had to live with this even though no-one knew about my heritage—or my blood lust.

"Yup and I'm your jailor!" He smiled.

_'I hate this already, I'm not a damn criminal.'_

"You should start on your assignment."

"Assignment?" My previous thoughts vanished as I realized I didn't know about any assignment.

Yukio didn't say a word, he just sat there now annoyed slightly.

"Come on, get it done." He sighed

I nodded, putting my stuff down on my side of the room and getting out the assignment with the help of Yukio.

* * *

"I won't be long, and no wandering about!" Yukio said sternly and irritated knowing I was most likely already going to wander about.

"So annoying, he's always treating me like a little kid," I grumbled.

""Don't wander about! No reading my manga? I'll be your warden!" Who does he think he is, my mother?!" I mocked piqued.

I looked around with an irritated expression but soon morphed into a curious and wondrous one when I saw the gate up top beside the exorcist shop. I walked up soon stopping at the gate looking in at the beautiful garden commenting aloud on its profound beauty.

As I looked in I spotted a girl tending to the garden happily not bothered about the dirt all over her. I touched the gate to go in but pulled my hand back quickly as pain shot through me and the gate fell to the floor.

She looked at me and we stared at each other for a moment before a scared look replaced her once contempt expression. 

"D-Demon!" She tried to move away but her legs seemed to be immobile. "Hey! I'm not a demon!" I shouted back angrily. _'One day here and I'm already getting spotted, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought…'_

"The gate! It only reacts to demons!" She tried to move further away as I took a step in. "Please don't hurt me! Stay back!" She tried crawling away however her legs refused to give her a helping hand. 

I walked up to her slightly worried, I wanted to know what was wrong with her legs. Had she been in an accident? Was she sick? Was she born this way? Was it genetic?

"Hey, are you alright? What's wrong with your legs?" I gave it my best shot to look passive but I did just knock down a demon gate.

"I-I… you're not going to hurt me?" 

"Hurt you? Why would I do that?"

She looked down and around almost confused. "Well, demons are evil so…"

"Eh?! We'r-" I closed my mouth before I could finish my sentence, that would've ended badly and Yukio would have my head. I didn't think about it much longer, I spoke up and agreed with her statement.

"So what's up with your legs?" I asked, changing the subject. 

"Oh umm...my mum thinks a demon got in here but there can't be one! I take such good care of this garden so there can't be any!" She argued.

I looked around but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"I see, well I'm not an expert so I can't say much or give any advice," I told her scratching my temple looking off to the side.

"Sorry to ask this of you but do you think you could help me with something?" She asked, I looked back a little surprised.

"Uhh, I guess?"

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She bowed several times. 

"Woah! Hey! I don't even know what it is yet!" I said waving my hands to stop her bowing and appreciating so much.

"Oh right, sorry. Could you move that gate for me so I can work on the plants there?" 

I grumbled my answer making my way over to the gate back hunched and hand in my pocket.

I took off my coat and lay the sword on it. I picked the gate up and moved it away as the girl brought over a bag of something that smelled rank, it made my eyes water. 

She seemed to have noticed as she told me it was diluted cow manure.

"Thanks for helping me, it's nice to have some help, especially with my legs like this."

"Eh?! First, you call me a demon then you make me do work for you!"

"Sorry, I am just taken aback little…"

I sighed, "I guess it's alright, I did knock down your gate after all." I sighed in a quieter voice.

I walked over to her, squatting down to her level and we stayed quiet for a short moment before extending her hand.

"So friends?"

"What?" I looked at her confused. "Eh- uh-... Fine." I grumbled slightly embarrassed, what can I say she was pretty and the past events were a little weird.

"Really?" Her face lit up and quickly introduced herself as Shiemi Moriyama.

"I'm Rin Okumura," I introduced myself in return. 

Silence overtook only for a quick moment once again but was filled with an explanation of the garden.

"This place…it used to be my granny's, she taught me everything I know about gardening and I love her just like I love this garden. But last winter she died in an accident...I'm sure she's gone to the Garden of Amahara.”

“The Garden of Am-a-hara?” I spoke slightly struggling to pronounce it hoping I said it right. 

“Oh! The Garden of Amahara is a place where all the plants of the world are!”

“I’m not entirely sure I get it but it sounds nice! You should visit it!”

She suddenly laughed aloud which confused me, _‘did I say something funny?’_

“I can’t do that, it’s only a story and with my legs like this, it would be impossible. But if there really was a place like the Garden of Amahara I would love to go there.”

Before I could speak again I was interrupted by the annoying four-eyed mole face.

“Nii~san what have you got yourself into now? I can’t take you anywhere.” He said the last part quieter but I still heard it, it’s one of the ‘perks’ of being a demon.

“Oh, hey Yukio!” I waved happily just ignoring his comments.

“Yuki-chan!” I looked at her surprised that she knew Yukio, my brother.

“”Yuki-chan”?” Yukio quickly filled in the missing information after hearing my questioning voice repeating the name given by Shiemi.

“Hello Shiemi-san, I visit this shop a lot which Shiemi lives at. This is my older twin brother, Rin.” 

“W-What?! But you look like the older one!” 

“Yes, it is quite an easy mistake to make, he’s older in name only.” 

_‘Now he’s just trying to piss me off.’_ And it worked.

Hey! What the hell do you mean by “name only”?!”

“Nii~san is a page training to become an exorcist.”

_‘Damn four eyes just ignoring me, what’s up with him?!’_

“Shiemi! Let the nice exorcist take a look at your legs!” I looked around to see another person here as well who seemed to be Shiemi’s mother after she announced the word mother in shock.

“Can I take a look?” Yukio bent down to her who looked back unsure but finally gave in.

“A-All right..”

“Thank you.”

“What am I supposed to do?” He looked up at me like it was obvious. “You’re just going to watch.” 

He looked back down and brought out Shiemi’s legs from under her Kamino making sure to be careful to not see anything he shouldn’t.

“This is a mashou, it’s the work of a demon.”

“So she’s..!”

“No, she’s not possessed.” He quickly countered her unfinished thoughts.

“This demon is too weak to possess.” He soothed her fears but brought another to life. “However, it will have possessed a plant in the garden, there are few possibilities of what type of demon it could be. It seems to be travelling through the ground and to Shiemi’s legs and draining energy from her heart." He continued to explain, the next part would not make Shiemi's mother happy.

"An Akuma can only find a way into a human's heart by talking to them, thus meaning you must have spoken to a demon at some point. If you know when please tell me."

"Shiemi! I don't care how much you love this garden you're leaving it! This is a damn cursed garden. This Garden can't be worth your health!" Shiemi's mother spoke up, voicing her thoughts which Shiemi did not like.

"It's not cursed! It was Granny's greatest treasure! I hate you, mother!" Before she could get another word out or her mother could rage more Shiemi fainted, falling to the ground.

"Shiemi-san!" Her mother called out, I panicked the only level headed one seemed to Yukio.

"Is there a place we can bring her to rest, away from the garden?"

"Uh- yes, right this way." The older woman guided as Yukio picked her up and brought her to what looked like to be a storage building.

I followed them but stood far behind as to not invade.

She was placed on the bed and then a conversation started up again.

"It may not be that obvious but the demon's draining large amounts of energy through her legs. If this is to continue her life may be at risk."

She acknowledged the information he told her then proceeded to tell him about the storehouse shiemi rested in. 

"This is the storehouse her grandmother used to live in, ever since she died Shiemi's been shutting herself in here and spending her days in the garden. Whenever I bring up the subject we always fight."

Silence overtook until she spoke up sadly with her truth.

"I'm a failure as a mother…"

Silence once again overtook but quickly ended as they started to walk, however, I did not follow, I looked back at the storehouse and went towards it. 

Before I opened it I heard a yell from Yukio asking where I was, _'stupid four eyes always treating me like a kid.'_

I heard a gasp from inside and so I slid the door open to see Shiemi awake a little startled, "you okay?" I queried.

"Rin?" She looked up once again startled by me.

"Your mother's worried sick about you," I told her, expressing both her mothers and my concern.

"It's my mother who is being horrible! I decided I have to protect my granny's garden."

As she said that I made my way over to plants in the garden and started to rip them from the ground and Shiemi screamed at me and made her way over to me the best she could with her lifeless legs.

"Stop it! What are you doing?!!" She yelled hugging my leg and as she did I shouted back.

"What's holding you down like this?!!"

"I- I- If I hadn't stayed out Granny would still be here! It was my fault she died!" She admitted close to tears and I couldn't help feel a familiarity in her words.

_"Nii~san you're the one who killed father, give yourself up to the order or better yet just die!"_

_'She's like me, filled with regret about something she can't change.'_

"If that's how it is, then make sure you don't worry your mother! You want to find the Garden of Amahara right?!! Do you think that granny of yours would tell you not to?!!"

She finally understood and admitted her granny wouldn't and cried into me which gave me a slight shock and not entirely sure what to do with a crying girl in my arms.

"My legs don't work anymore though!" She screamed through her tears.

"Then I'll tear those damn roots down for you!!!"

"Sorry to spoil such an emotional moment but I can easily get rid of the demon quickly, Shiemi you'll be able to move your legs again, all I needed was for you to settle your heart."

**_"You're going to break our promise?!! Unforgivable!!!"_ **

A voice screeched as the ground shook and Shiemi was lifted and captured by some giant plant creature, a demon I would think.

**_"We will live in this garden forever together!!!"_ **

"The demon is using her as a shield I'll need your help with this one Nii~san."

"Huh? Really?!!" I asked surprised and goofy. "Can't my little brother do anything by himself? Don't worry I'm willing to lend a hand!" I said pridefully.

I unsheathed my sword letting the blue flames burn wild.

 ** _"You're a demon?!!"_** It screamed as I ran forward after Yukio telling me I just had to keep it occupied.

 ** _"Don't ignore me!!"_** It screeched angrily.

I tried going in for a slice or stab it but it was no use especially without hurting Shiemi.

"Damnit, what do we do?!!" I shouted back in my spot in front of Yukio.

"There's nothing else for it…" what he said next shocked me, I was glad he didn't have my curse, especially being able to handle a gun so young.

"I'll just have to shoot both of them." 

"Huh?!" 

**_"You're bluffing!! You can't trick us!"_ **

"You think so?"

He was really going to do it, he was going to shoot her. My mind went to the image of Shiemi bleeding out, staining her garden red, letting me see the red liquid my curse lusted for so badly, it almost felt like Yukio was teasing me unintentionally.

However, it was no longer a tease, the blood would spill. He pulled the trigger and the bullet went full speed to her.

The demon let go of her and Yukio told me to go but I was frozen too concentrated on the image in my head.

"Nii~san!"

I snapped back and went straight to slice the demon and as I did I also cut Shiemi...

I faltered and fell, landing awkwardly, I looked at the ground unsettled and pained. I was worse than when I was back in our hometown, I was killing people. I was killing them!!

I heard Shiemi speak up and so I looked up to see Yukio holding Shiemi, she was perfectly fine, no bullet holes, no cut, no blood.

I didn't understand, how was she okay, I cut her with a flaming sword!!

I quickly sheathed my sword so no-one who shouldn't didn't see my flames.

I walked over to her and Yukio looked up at me with a smirk. "What, not so cocky now?" 

"No! I just thought she would have died from the bullet!"

"Nii~san!"

_'Oops, was I not meant to reveal that?'_

"Shiemi!" We all looked up to see her mother standing there with a scowl.

"Go to her, apologise or you'll regret it!" I said in my best 'normal' voice I could, guess it eventually comes naturally after years of practice but even after years of practice I never got it completely. I wasn't a natural liar, I was really bad at it probably why the old man often gave me strange looks and asked what was going on but eventually he gave up asking and would continue to give me strange looks from time to time.

As Shiemi went off to her mother I went back to my thoughts. 

_'How is she still alive? Was it all my imagination? Was it my curse getting worse? It had made images of blood before but nothing like this, not even close. Maybe it was because of my awakening…?'_

I looked down at my hands to see them shaking, I stared for a couple of moments until Yukio spoke up again.

"C'mon we should head home."

"Yeah…" I looked away as we made our way back, I kept my eyes downcast, not daring to lift my head. I just wanted to get back to the dorm and sleep and just hope this feeling would be gone when I woke up.

* * *

The next day Shiemi had enrolled into cram school and was sitting beside me while the damn rooster head was looking at me with a scowl the whole class and whispering about me.

I looked back at the boy I had named "rooster head". _'His hair looks pretty cool but looks like it takes a lot of work… He reminds me of the guys I would get into fights with back home. Remember! You need to stay away from guys like that! A clean slate, no getting into fights!'_

But not getting into fights was going to be hard, it was my only 'cure' to this damned sure. But no I had to stop or who knows what Mephisto would do to me but I am wondering how he's thinking I'm going to handle my blood lust. I can't just go out on missions like all the exorcist's here. Unless…

When I came back into the external world I realized the old looking teacher was gone and Yukio was now teaching. _'Was I really gone for that long?'_ Over the last year I gained a habit of finding myself in my thoughts, I'd stay there for several minutes but class with the old guy wasn't meant to be over for at least 15 minutes and Yukio seemed to be deep into his lesson. _'How long had I been zoned out?'_

I didn't think on it any longer and decided to listen to what Yukio was saying and try to catch up the best I could.

* * *

Well, a physical fight didn't break out but I was damn near about to punch the damn guy, we'd gotten into a verbal fight several times and now I was making fun of the guy for being slow in the area while a leaper chased us.

"Too slow! You can be as smart as you want but it's not going to help you out in the field!" I shouted back as we ran, it wasn't exactly snarky it was just the truth.

However, the next thing I knew I was being kicked in the back flying forward, Bon said some bullshit then screaming and finally the teacher yelling.

"Hey! What the hell are you two doing?! Are you two trying to die?!"

"What the hell… Was that for?" I asked panting.

"I wasn't gonna lose to you… Even if it killed me." He replied, telling the last part also reluctantly but truthfully.

"Bastard…" I muttered under my breath. 

"What was that punk?!" 

Before I knew it I had raised my fist, however, before I could contact my fist with his jaw we were separated, the teacher with me and Bon's friends doing the same for him.

"What on earth is your problem?!!" The teacher asked displeased with our antics, which I wouldn't call antics, they were perfectly valid actions. 

Eventually, the teacher let go of me and asked for Bon to come with him.

I glared not happy with how the situation turned out, I admit racing with our 'antics' while a demon was chasing us wasn't the smartest idea but the so-called smart guy carried on with it! So it's not all my fault!

"What's his problem anyway?" I asked, still pissed off.

"Sorry about him, it may not look like it but he takes everything seriously resulting in him getting worked up over little things." The pink hair dude answered. Definitely looked like it was dyed, didn't look natural.

"He joined this school with this crazy ambition."

"Ambition?" I asked, curious what crazy ambition a guy like that could have? For Pete's sake, I was joining to defeat Satan, nothing was more ambitious than that.

"Uh, he wants to defeat Satan himself…"

Nevermind, I take back what I said.

"Ahaha, crazy right?" 

_'Crazy my ass! Then again Mephisto laughed too.'_ I don't know much about Satan other than he's a crazy powerful demon and gave me my blood lust—probably from his own.

"Shima-san stop laughing!" The smaller boy told him off, I couldn't remember his name, I was never good at it, I was better at memorising faces.

"Our temple was destroyed by the Blue Night, Bon's just trying to rebuild it!" The short one explained.

_'"The Blue Night"... It sounds familiar, I'm sure Mephisto's mentioned it before.'_

""The Blue Night"? What's that?" I spoke up about my curiosity on the matter?

"You don't know? That's a surprise." It seemed not many people didn't know what this "Blue Night" was, that clown probably just wanted me to find out more stuff to feel guilt over. _'Great…'_

"The Blue Night happened 16 years ago when Satan murdered a large number of exorcist's all over the world."

My eyes widened in shock. _'So I was right, just another thing for me to feel guilty over that that damn bastard did.'_

The short one continued this time, "we're both apprentices of Bon's father, the Ossama. From what he told us all the exorcist's burst into blue flames—the mark of Satan—and blood poured from anywhere it could.

Our Ossama was praying the whole night, hiding in a corner. He was only a monk in training at the time. Afterwards, he took over the temple as the new Ossama and Bon's temple was from then on known as " The Cursed Temple". We lost a lot of worshippers and the place was ruined before Bon could even walk."

The boy finally finished explaining. Before I could take in much of it or speak up Shima pointed out the teacher and Bon were back.

"What is it, honey?" The teacher picked out his ringing phone and put it to his ear. 

"Say what? Right now? Oh, what would you do without me, kitten?"

"Everyone, we're going to take a small interval! Now before I go, everyone listen up! The leaper is a reasonably docile demon however, it has a bad habit of reading people's emotions and attacking! So until I get back no-one is to enter the pit!"

He waited for everyone to give some sort of answer that they understood until he announced he was off and ran out.

Not a second later Bon once again started a fight with me. "I thought True Cross was a place where people took their studies seriously." He spoke quietly through gritted teeth and a much more annoyed tone than last time we fought like this.

"An' don't get me started on the students!"

"What makes you think I don't take stuff seriously?!" I shouted back, this guy seemed to be always starting fights but I never expected him to go any further than shouting and throwing punches.

The two friends of Bon gave some comments and their 'leader' told them to shut up. 'Doesn't seem like a leader to me.'

"Why don't you prove you're serious about becomin' an exorcist!" He pointed at the leaper. "If you can get close to it an' touch it an' make it back without getting attacked you win!"

_'Is he crazy?!! We'd probably be killed!'_

"If you're serious about becomin' an exorcist then you shouldn't be scared by a little thing like a leaper. I'll do it too of course, an' I'll win!" He announced at the end.

"If you make it back without being attacked I'll accept you have some determination. You gonna do it?" He finally asked, I wasn't stupid.

"Sounds pretty exciting, still though, I'm not gonna do it."

"What?!!" He shouted shocked. Seemed this guy was more stupid than me.

"What if I screw up and get myself killed?"

_'I can't exactly pull the sword and release my flames, especially after what I just learned about the blue night.'_

"I'm not stupid. I've got ambitions just like you, I'm not going to risk my life for some stupid thing like this just to prove my determination to you."

Next, I heard him mutter before yelling at me that I was just scared.

"Well, I'm gonna do it!" He was definitely stupider than me. "You can stand there an' watch like a coward!" 

He may be an asshole but I'm damn well not going to let him get himself killed.

"Hey, you shouldn't!" Others gave warnings and mutters about their thoughts on the situation. _'If he doesn't back down he's gonna get himself killed!'_

He walked towards it, not backing down. He spoke quietly before yelling his ambition and the others laughed aloud, _'bad idea.'_

I couldn't see his face but I could feel his anger from here. Before he had a chance to tell them to shut up or get close to the leaper it punched on him.

I sprinted forward jumping from the top of the arena, I put myself in front of Bon and was caught by the demon.

"Rin!" I heard Shiemi call as she noticed I'd moved.

"Let go…" I spoke quietly through gritted teeth. "I said… LET GO OF ME DAMNIT!!" I yelled as I felt my eye twitch but the leaper let go. 

"What the hell are you playing at? Are you a complete idiot?!" I asked, getting to my point.

"Now you listen here real good! The one who's gonna defeat Satan is me!! So get lost!"

He stood shaken and confused for a moment about what had just happened and my statement but he finally spoke up.

"You're the idiot here! Were you tryna get yourself killed?!! An' stop stealing other people's ambitions!!"

"I'm not stealing anyone's ambitions! This ambition's mine!!"

We ended fighting over it for quite a while until the other students got tired of us and broke us up and we left as the teacher never came back.

* * *

I'd felt my blood lust slowly arising but now it's gotten worse, I'm finding it hard to concentrate. All I feel is the lusting and all I can think about is not hurting someone, not hurting my classmates or a teacher.

Being at the dorm helps and Yukio always being out on missions makes it easier. I don't have to worry so much, worry about hurting anyone. So I'm grateful for it only being me and Yukio in the old boys' dormitory. 

I don't pay attention much in class but Yukio seems to be thankful I'm at least staying awake in class. It's not like I want to, I'm just afraid I'll do something if I'm asleep with so many people around me.

It's happened before, those at the church would tell me about how I would throw punches in my sleep, they would happen when I was having a _lustful_ nightmare.

Yukio's also being more annoying, getting at me for spacing out so long, when I don't do homework. I would sometimes catch odd looks from him when I was more tired than usual, which was a result of getting less sleep from waking up from nightmares and unable to fall asleep again.

I shook my head and tried to ignore the strong yearning in my heart but concentrating wasn't exactly easy.

"Alright, that's it for today. Hand in your sheets." Yukio told us but before I could pack up he started again. "There's going to be a camp at the old boys' dormitory tonight, make sure to pack enough clothes." 

I heard something snap and crack. I pulled my finger from my mouth and saw the blood and no nail. I swirled my tongue around my mouth finding the nail, I spat it out into my hand and stared at it before looking into my bag to see the four other bloodied nails. 

_'I'm going to need more nails.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> I'm gonna be going off the manga for a few more chapters with a little flare until we get to the good part!


	3. Painful Lusting Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get this chapter out as quick as I would've liked to but I'm getting there.  
> I would like to give a quick warning, there are talks of panic attacks in this so skip ahead if you don't want to read it.

"Do we have to have a camp, especially in the dorms?" I asked hoping there was a way I could get out of it. 

"Yes, it will be good for your teamwork, which you don't have much of." He pointed out nonchalantly.

"But why in the dorms?" I asked again looking up at him.

"Because it's quiet, no-one else is here." He replied looking straight ahead, not batting an eye but I didn't question anymore to avoid Yukio getting suspicious of me. 

I could probably pull off covering up but I'm a bad liar, he'd know I was lying before I could even come up with a reasonable excuse. My body language would say it all.

I looked back ahead and awaited the arrival of my classmates.

* * *

"Alright, turn your test in, you'll get the results tomorrow," Yukio told us, finishing up his lesson in one of the dorm rooms. 

Yukio went around collecting the tests from the table as we all stood up, stretching our legs. 

"Remember, tomorrow get up at six o'clock." 

I groaned at how early I'd have to wake up, six AM was way too early.

"Paku, let's go get a bath." I ignored her as I made my way out to get fresh air overhearing Shima being a pervert, wanting to take a peek at the ladies bathing. 

_'Reminds me of the old man, always goofing around.'_

Bon told him off for acting in such a way and Shima tried to get Yukio to go take a peek at the ladies with him. _'Ha, good luck with that. He's too much of a goody two-shoes for that.'_

I made my way to the kitchen to get a drink, pulling the straw from the side of the carten and out of the small wrapper it was contained in. I stabbed it in the hole sectioned out on the top of the carten and put the wrapper in the bin.

I walked out of the kitchen and through the not-so-empty dorm halls.

I saw Shiemi about to walk out of the dorm but caught her attention, "Shiemi, what are you doing?"

She turned around with a bit of plain expression, hurt also thrown into it. "I have to go buy some fruit milk for Kamiki-San."

 _'Errand girl.'_ I thought, scowling at her ignorance.

She started to walk away however, I caught her arm, I needed to talk to her about being Izumo's little errand girl.

"Stop with that!"

"Huh? Stop what?" She asked, clearly confused about what I was talking about and my sudden rise in attitude. 

"You're being Izumo's errand runner!"

"I'm not her errand runner! I'm helping her!"

"You really believe that? You're not helping her!" I snapped back, retaliating.

"I'm always sitting back and watching others do things for me! I want to help!" She retaliated back in return. "I want to be strong and help someone!"

Before either of us could get another word in a scream echoed through the halls.

"That sounded like Kamiki-san and Puku-San!" Shiemi said about to run off to see what was wrong but I stopped her.

"Get Yukio! Quickly!" I shouted back, sprinting towards the girls' bathroom where the scream came from.

I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom, already sniffing what smelled like rotting. _'Astaroth?!'_ I didn't stop as fear struck through me thinking of the worst possible outcomes of this situation, or what had maybe already happened.

I burst into the females' bathroom seeing Izumo's summons running towards her. I ran straight and punched full force knocking the foxes back. I stood protectively in front of Izumo, I wouldn't let the foxes harm her or the ghoul standing over Paku.

"Rip the paper!" 

"Wha-"

"Rip the paper!!" I shouted more demandingly.

She followed my demand and the foxes faded out of existence in Assiah, reappearing in Gehenna somewhere.

I turned around to look at the two-headed ghoul, it looked to be sticking together by only stitches.

_'You better get here quickly Yukio, I can't draw my sword.'_

Before I could devise a plan Shiemi ran in and went straight to Paku and started to treat her. "Rin! While I help Paku-san you distract the demon!"

"Huh?!!" _'I don't even have a plan, what the hell am I supposed to do?!!'_

Before I could even think about anything more the ghoul ran at me pushing me forcefully away, I flew through the thin door into the shower room.

I opened my eyes when I could no longer breathe, the ghoul had its hand wrapped around my neck. I felt light-headed being thrown through a door and my head being bashed against a tile wall. 

"Pri-nce…" it babbled and stuttered on its words. 

My eyes widened a little, _'I thought only demon kings could talk?! Shows I should pay attention in class. But now's not the time to be thinking about class.'_

My eyes scrunched and narrowed again as I tried gasping for air but the oddly feeling hand pressed against my throat wouldn't let any in.

"I-I'm so-rr-y my p-rince, ord-ers a-are absa-lute from master ." The ghoul gurgled out dismembered Japanese. 

I grabbed at the ghoul's hand trying to get it to let go. I was getting light-headed, darkness was closing in from the rim of my eyes.

Before I let the darkness consume me I reached my hand to squeeze one of the ghoul's two necks causing it to let out a grunt. Without realizing my nails extend sharply to what could be called claws. They punctured the ghoul's rotting skin—which stank by the way—and something came oozing out of it, coating my fingers in the process.

The ghoul let up for a second and I took in all the air I could—which was very little—before it tightened again.

As the blood dripped to the floor I saw Shiemi again, lying on the red-stained grass, stained by her blood. _'Shiemi!'_ Then she was gone again as a loud bang entered the almost silent room except for the grunts and groans from myself and the ghoul or rather the ghoul gave inhumane sounds. Obviously.

Someone shouted something, however, it was incoherent in my ringing ears, and sounds also sounding blurry. I coughed and soothed my squashed and bruised neck—which would be gone in an instant—as the darkness retracted from my eyes slowly.

I eventually looked up to see Yukio who proceeded to go over to Shiemi inspecting Paku's injuries.

I stood up, finishing soothing my neck, able to breathe once again. I made my way behind the lockers to see Izumo crying on the floor, she sounded upset with herself, angry at herself.

I took off my jumper, trying to avoid getting any… Goo on it and handed it to her. "Here, take it and go," I said looking away, not looking at her almost nude body.

She grabbed it hesitantly and put it on before running out of the girl's bathroom.

I stared for a short moment before bringing up my hand covered in whatever oozed out of the demon. 

_'It looks brown, almost black with lumps in it. Gooey too.'_

"Ew." 

"Yeah, dude! Ew! What even is that?!!" Shima exclaimed, pointing at the goo.

"Nii~san, why are you half-naked?"

"I wanted to show off my abs."

"Nii~san, you have no abs nor do you have any muscles at all."

"You're blind," I said dumbly, walking away.

 _'Though I do think I'd look pretty hot with abs not going to lie.'_ I thought grinning to myself.

* * *

I lay in bed as everyone else was fast asleep in the old boys' dormitory. I couldn't sleep, I was thinking too much and kept going back over today's events and how it felt. 

Hurting a demon, seeing the goo ooze from it wasn't the same as the old fights I had back at the monastery but it no longer felt like my blood list was going to swallow me whole. It didn't go down much but it went down a little helping me feel like I could rest easy for a night if not for the nightmares.

My nightmares often replayed the garden event, Shiemi bleeding out in her garden, Yukio was always mad, saying I was a monster, that I was inhumane, all the things the kids whispered at school when they thought I wasn't listening. But it was Yukio who was going to shoot her, I didn't mean to, so why am I getting the blame?

That I'd Never know, probably just my mind being an asshole per usual. _'Would that mean I'm an asshole too?'_

My thoughts went on endless trails from one thing to another throughout the night until I turned over again looking at the clock. _'02:39!!! I gotta be up in 3 hours!'_

I turned over and closed my eyes pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind—which was exceedingly hard—until I fell asleep, however, Shiemi's bloodied figure lingered in the back of my mind as my blood lust tried crawling up to it.

* * *

My watery eyes opened as I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling.

I blinked a couple of times to clear my glossy eyes. _'I guess crying in my nightmares transferred to the real world…'_ I thought as I looked over to where the clock was which read: 05:58. 'Yukio will be up in two minutes, should I pretend to sleep or stay awake?'

I closed my eyes and went with the former option. I waited for the alarm clock to sound and Yukio to groan and hear him take his glasses from the desk beside his bed then stand up and shake me, telling me to get up.

Soon enough he did so and after a few shakes I took off my little act, I was still partially asleep so I guess I wouldn't call it all entirely an act. 

Yukio walked out and I groaned sitting up in bed, I rubbed the sleep out my eyes as I yawned and sat there for a moment staring at the closed curtains but the light still shone through.

I looked back over at the clock and groaned in irritation, throwing my head back. _'Who in the right mind gets up at 6 am?'_ I thought, standing up and walking out with a change of clothes and a towel to shower. I washed off the goo from last night but it still stunk, so I wanted to try to get it to go away.

After the short shower—which most of the time was used up scrubbing my hand until it smelled nice—I made breakfast, which was Gohan. (Rice with an egg and soy sauce to top it).

Throughout the morning I saw people pass me in the dorm, everyone looking tired—except Bon, he never looks tired—Shima looked dead, like a zombie. Everyone else looked relatively normal. 

I made my way to the sinks to brush my teeth, I could feel bits of rice in my teeth and wanted them out. I hate the feeling of dirty teeth, it didn't feel natural.

"Good morning," I heard someone greet, I looked behind me and saw Kamiki coming down the stairs. 

"Mohingh." I bubble out with the toothpaste and brush in my mouth. She came down and as she was about to speak I spit out the paste and put my toothbrush away and rinsed my mouth with the cup of water on the counter above the sinks.

"Thanks…" She handed me my jumper, I hadn't seen she had with her.

"Huh?" I took it from her and was hit with a fresh smell. "Sweet! You washed it, thanks! Man, I was so wrong about you! You're really cool!" I complimented happily but my mood quickly deteriorated.

"Eh! No! I just washed it cuz I was stinky!" She shot back clearly embarrassed as she looked off to the side.

Silence filled the air for a moment before Kamiki spoke up again. "You're not to tell anyone I was crying!"

"Why would I tell anyone? That's just mean. And who would I tell anyway?" I asked confused, partially joking.

"Just promise you won't tell anyone!!" She grew angry and I backed up laughing a little putting my hands up in submission. 

"Alright, alright, I promise."

She glared for a moment before settling down and looking away letting silence overtake for another comment once again.

"Hey… Yesterday… You- You had a look in your eyes when you wrapped your hand around that demon's neck… Is everything alright?" She finally got it out, struggling to speak. She sounded worried which was out of character for her, even if I hadn't known her long.

"What? Oh yeah! Don't worry about it, everything's A-okay." He put his finger and thumb into a circle telling her he was okay and gave a big toothy smile.

"Alright, that's good. I mean, of course you are! I wasn't worried!" She looked away embarrassed.

I laughed a little and smiled then made my way back up the stairs away from the sinks, I could feel Izumo's eyes following me until I was out of sight, around the corner.

I put my back against the wall and let out a small breath. _'This isn't good, if she's this observant, they're not going to be in the dark much longer. I have to be more careful.'_

"Yes, you really should be more careful, I did tell you to keep your identity kept secret." Mephisto poofed in out of nowhere scaring me shitless.

"Damn clown, I know that." I gritted my teeth, glaring at him out of the corner of my eye, trying to keep my temper at bay but he always managed to get under my skin no matter what.

"You teens are so petulant. Perhaps you're still maturing." My face turned red as a tomato when he said that, lacking all shame—as if he ever had any to begin with. _'Who the hell says that?!'_

"You should also be more careful with covering up that curse our father-"

 _"Your_.father," I stated angrily, telling him he'd stepped over a line but it wasn't like he cared anyway.

"Hit a nerve?" He asked mockingly, smirking.

My hot red tomato face had degraded to a small pink tint across my cheeks.

"Well, I must be off! Don't get into too much trouble now!" He grinned and had his index finger pointing up as he poofed away.

_'What the hell is up with him, he never visits without a reason. Whatever, I'll figure it out later.'_

* * *

_'Orders from a master… A summon? But who's the master? That's the million-dollar question. Well, other than if I should tell Yukio abou-'_

"Woah!"

Shiemi and I banged heads as I began to shout at her. "Don't stick your head over me suddenly!!" I screamed.

"Don't suddenly lift your head then!" She shouted back, rubbing her forehead trying to soothe the stinging pain we both felt.

 _'What is this, a "scare Rin shitless day"?!'_ I angrily thought, now feeling the stinging pain subside.

I sighed before talking, "what are you doing up here anyway?" I asked genuinely curious.

"Oh, I'm going to hang up everyone's sheets to dry." She replied, looking down at me as I was now getting up from the ground.

I hummed and asked if she needed a hand but reassured me she could do it herself and wanted to be useful. And so I made my way down to get ready for class.

_'Fun…'_

* * *

For the rest of the day, Izumo didn't take her eyes off me, following me around and staring at me all the time, it was beginning to be creepy—not that I hadn't already had shivers go down my spine several times but I'm not entirely sure it was because of Izumo.

I've had a feeling since that ghoul spoke, like something was coming, something not so good and I'm starting to think it's the fact that we now have to sit with these damn heavy rocks on our laps! They weigh a ton!

Yukio made us sit with them on our laps after Bon and I started a fight and Izumo got involved and now we're all paying the price. I don't get why though, they didn't do anything wrong.

Shima shared my thoughts aloud, "why are we all being punished?" He moaned.

Yukio didn't exactly answer the question, he gave us an explanation of the training camp.

"This training camp aims to increase your abilities while also helping with your relations with your classmates-" 

He was interrupted by Izumo who spoke up about refusing to get along with any of us.

"Well, you're going to have to, your classmates will be your teammates in the field, teamwork is vital, without it you are guaranteed death." He told us seriously 

"I have a small mission, I'll be gone for about three hours. Given the ghoul attack from last night, I will be locking all exits and putting up wards." He explained as he started to make his way out of the room we were in.

"Why are you locking the exits, how will we get out?" Bon asked, speaking up for all of us.

"You won't need to get out, you'll be here the whole time." He smiled 'innocently'. _'God, I hate that innocent look he has.'_ I scowled.

"Three hours?! He's a monster!" Shima exclaimed, his face molding into despair.

_'How do you think I feel?! I've had to live with him for 15 years!'_

"How are you and teach related?!"

"H-He's a good guy, really." I replied nervously, it wasn't all a lie, he was a good guy he just sometimes got on my nerves and as of lately he's been doing so more, I'm starting to think he's doing it on purpose.

_'Trapping me in a room full of people, what a great idea Yukio. I could sense it, my blood lust boiling. It feels like a lustful desiring pain.'_

I brought one of my hands up to my mouth and started to bite on my nails. These guys are starting to piss me off by fighting with me in the middle and my blood lust just existing.

“This is a fine mess _someone_ has got us all into.” Bon groaned.

“Says the guy who was heaving me by the chest back there!"

"You're the one-"

"Will you two shut up and stop fighting with me in the middle!!" I shouted, finally fed up with them shouting.

"You were also in the fight Okumura!!" Bon shouted back, he wasn't wrong but it was mainly him and Kamiki.

We all went suddenly quiet at the surprise of the lights going out.

"Wha- Where?!" Everyone asked in surprise and squeaks coming out at the fact others were getting hit or touched by others and didn't know who or where. Well, excluding me, with the help of my demon sense I could see in the dark, just slightly though.

"Did that damn teacher cut the power?" Bon asked out, agitated.

"A blackout?!..." Shiemi squeaked slightly afraid.

Shima stood up and put his hand to the wall letting it guide him to the window. "No, there are still lights on outside."

"What does that mean then? Did we run out of electricity or something?" Izumo asked, looking around in the darkness.

"Maybe this room's light bulbs are just faulty…" Shiemi suggested nervously.

Before Shima could reply and check a noise was heard, almost like a grumbling.

"What was that?" Bon asked nervously but keeping up his tuff persona.

"I dunno, it feels eerie though, I kinda like it." Shima smiled looking into the darkness.

He opened his flip phone to use the light from the screen to guide him.

"Be careful," Bon told him seriously but you could tell he was worried for his friend.

However, careful he was, it was all for not. A ghoul’s arm burst the door open as Shima threw himself to the floor away from the ghoul.

Screams emerged in the room once the ghoul made itself known and shouts of recognition that it was the same ghoul from yesterday

As we backed away the left head blew and the goo splattered, everywhere. Once we looked back at it, it had a long lizard tongue and it's now un-sewn head in the shape of petals around the middle.

I heard Shiemi mutter something during the chaos and in turn, Nii sprouted thick branches blocking the ghoul from us temporarily.

"What's wrong with you guys?" I asked, confused as to why they were all sitting down and complaining about feeling hot and dizzy.

"It's because of that goo that ghoul just sprayed at us," Izumo informed me.

"Are you not feeling it Rin-Kun?" Shima asked looking up at me.

"Huh? No." I looked back at the wall of branches and thought as everyone else thanked Shiemi or tried to devise a plan but I had already made a plan of my own.

"As the only one able to move right now, I'm gonna go out and lure it away then you guys can make a run for it." 

"Eh?! What! Are you tryna die?!!" Bon yelled.

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty strong.” I replied smiling, “remember, I got abs.” I puffed up my chest before getting serious.

“If I can’t draw them away, I’ll at least turn the lights back on and try to find help,” I told them before already making my way through the branches.

“Hey! Did you not hear me?!” Bon yelled again.

 _‘Yeah, I did, I’m just no listing. You may be a hot-headed brute but I ain’t letting you die.’_ I thought to myself.

"AYY! It's me you're after ain't it!!" I yelled, catching their attention as they screeched and grumbled at me.

_‘Shit, there’s two!’_

“I quickly climbed my way through the branches coming to the clearing in the room and ran from the demons and headed to the electricity room.

I looked behind me to see only one following me. _‘Shit. At least one of them is following me.’_ I thought gratefully as I made my way to turn the lights on, running fast as I could to try to put some distance between me and the demon.

I looked at the signs that appeared on the walls from time to time as I ran trying to find anything to do with electricity.

“A switchboard!” I said aloud, which was a mistake but what was I to know.

I entered the room seeing a board with tens of switches. “This is what you use to turn on the electricity right?” I said to myself looking at all the switches which were all suspiciously turned off.

"If I can just turn these switches on-” Before I could do what I said, the demon bolted at me and whacked me off the balcony, sending me flying onto the lower level. 

I groaned at my landing and sore body. I opened my clenched eyes a little to see the ghoul standing at the top of the balcony getting ready to pounce once again.

“Damn,” I muttered as I got up and flamed up as the demon came near me making the demon be thrown back due to the blow. 

However the demon came running again, I raised my fist to punch it but instead was punched myself. The punch was powerful causing me to roll back but I didn't falter, I got up once more but that didn’t last long.

After being thrown around a couple of times more, the demon ran and I looked around for it, only for a voice to become known.

“At first I was unsure but now it’s confirmed.” A man came out from the darkness. “Hellspawn, son of Satan.”

I looked up and around to see the owner of the voice, a man with dark brown hair, and an eyepatch and wearing the clothes and colors of that of an exorcist. _‘One of our teachers!’_

I stood there wide-eyed. However, not because of Neuhaus but because of the smell. The smell so close to me. I wanted to look around for its source but I already knew where it was coming from. Blood dripped down my nose, the smell was so strong. My heart skipped a beat at it until I could hear my heartbeat so heavy in my ears, my heart aching all the while.

_‘I-I need a distraction and I need it now.'_

“You. You caused those attacks!” My eyes narrowed as I grew angry. “You bastard! You put my friends in danger!!” I screamed, my flames igniting further.

 _'The ghoul!'_ I ran quickly towards the ghoul, unsheathing my sword.

I aimed my sword at its sunflower-shaped head, however, it evaded my attack. _‘Good.’_ It may be bad to think I want to continue fighting this demon but I needed a distraction, something to help solve my problem.

I jumped back, using the balcony as a push-off to evade the demon’s attack in return. I landed on the floor smoothly and quickly rushed at the demon, finally being able to stab it, I kept my sword in it letting the flames burn it and sending it back to Gehenna. 

_‘No blood…’_ I thought almost sadly, I shook my head to release myself of my thoughts and feelings, ones that I didn’t need nor want. _‘I shouldn't be feeling such things about not drawing blood, demon or not.’_

I looked up at the balcony to see Neuhaus had disappeared.

I sheathed my sword and took a shaky breath. _‘It’s alright, calm down, you won’t attack anybody. You won’t attack anybody. You won’t attack anybody. You won’t attack anybody.’_ I consciously repeated in my head as I bit on my nails and paced around the room. 

I eventually stopped and crouched down putting my arms on my knees and my forehead down on them.

 _‘Just let it flow away.’_ I told myself trying not to cry to make the painful lusting go away. “Please'" I whispered.

I sat like that for several minutes begging my blood lust to go away or at least go on the down-low. 

“Ow!” I shouted as I pulled off a nail without even biting a little at it. I looked at my fingers, seeing the nails slowly grow back on three of my fingers. I looked down at the nails on the floor.

“At least it’s gone," I told myself. I shakily got up with wobbly knees. I let out a heavy breath and closed my eyes. “It’ll be okay, this has happened before and I’ve always been okay.” _‘But I don’t have Shiro this time.’_

I made my way back to the room where the others were but not before bumping into Kamiki.

“Izumo!” I yelped in surprise.

“R-Rin! Are you okay?!”

“Huh?”

“I wasn’t worried or anything!” 

“Hey! Idiot! Why’d you run off like that?!! What is wrong with you?!!” Bon shouted very loudly as he ran to me and punched me, throwing me back and landing on the floor.

“What the hell?!! I was trying to save your asses!!”

“You shouldn't run off like that! We’re your teammates remember! You’re supposed to rely on us not run off by yourself!!” Bon yelled.

“As I said! I was trying to save your sorry asses!!”

“Sorry asses?!!”

And once again a fight broke out between us all the while the others had beat the other ghoul. Shiemi had passed out due to summoning her demon for too long and was brought to the hospital to rest for the rest of the night and be treated from the ghouls' goo like everyone else.

We had also later found out this wasn’t a training camp but in fact an exam the whole time and we passed! It so we could advance from pages to exwires.

However, for me, yes I was happy we had advanced, one small step closer to killing Satan and removing my curse, howbeit, I just wanted to sleep. I no longer wanted to feel that painful lusting desire I felt all my life that was growing stronger by the day. I wanted to feel empty, I wanted to feel hollow, hollow like a drum.

After a short sleep, I was awoken by Shiemi.

“Shiemi, what are you doing here?!!” I asked, startled, quickly sitting up.

"Huh? Oh, Yuki-chan couldn't wake you so he brought you here.," she told me. "He said we should stay here."

 _'Why would he bring me here? What's happening?'_ I thought, trying to figure out why I would be brought here. _'Unless… he figured it out.'_

"I'm sorry Shiemi, I've got to go, stay here!" I quickly told her, getting up and sprinting out of the room to find Yukio.

 _'Time to put these enhanced senses to use.'_ I tried my best to focus on my hearing, it took a moment but heard Neuhaus shout and a groan from a demon. _'Shit, Yukio!'_ I sprinted up the stairs to stop him from getting hurt, I would never let him get hurt even if he was a pain in the ass sometimes. 

I sprinted up the many stairs leading to the roof. When I finally got to the roof, I burst the door open only to see my brother being slammed against the small wall guarding the roof.

The smell of blood hit me strongly and quickly, my eyes widened to the size of golf balls at it.} _‘Stay focused, just for now. Please.’_ I mentally pleaded.

I unsheathed my sword letting my blue sapphire flames set ablaze atop my head and linger on me. I ran towards Neuhaus screaming. “You bastard!!” He hurt my brother and my friends, that’s unforgivable.

“You filthy demon…” I barely heard him growl before I was splashed with holy water. My skin sizzled at impact and blistered quickly afterward but my demonic healing quickly kicked in.

“So holy water still works on the son of Satan, though it doesn’t do much damage,” Neuhaus smirked.

The smell of blood was stronger being near to him as I had spotted the blood gushing from his arms from the summoning.

I could see the smoke coming off of me as I inspected the damage which I instantly regretted not paying attention to my surroundings but could you blame me, with being burned alive by holy water and blood clouding my mind.

I was grabbed and held by the ginormous arms of the ghoul as he started to pull on my limbs making them stretch more than they could. I clenched my eyes shut and groaned at the pulling pain.

However, suddenly I was dropped to the floor and yelped at the air flowing freely through me before I hit the ground and was winded. 

I tried to grasp the air back that I lost as quickly as I could, seeing Neuhaus about to summon more demon’s through the magic circle -after repairing it as Yukio had destroyed it.

I got up and rushed to Neuhaus to stop him from harming anyone else, especially my brother. 

“Just who the hell are you?!” I growled holding my flaming sword to the man’s throat as my hand shook trying to hold back with my blood lust making my heartache. 

“I’m a survivor of the blue night…” He told me before a ghoul’s hand came out of his bloodied arm and punched me in the gut. “And he murdered my entire family, so I’ll kill any demon especially one directly related to him!!” He yelled as I stood holding my gut -which now had a hole in it—covered by a bloody shirt.

I coughed up some blood but tried my best to focus off the pain and the lusting desire for blood and on Neuhaus. “You can fight me as much as you want but don’t you dare drag innocent people into this!” I told him, sheathing my sword. 

He tsked. “This isn’t over.” He replied before turning around and leaving.

“Nii~san!” Yukio ran over worriedly.

“I’m fine,” I told him before walking away hurriedly, I needed to get away from people, from any chance of making blood lust stronger. I rushed down the stairs seeing Shiemi halfway down, she called my name but I didn’t answer, I just continued running down the stairs.

Once I reached one of the lower floors, I looked around, panicked looking for a safe and secure place. _‘The bathroom! Of course!’_ I thought quickly heading there. I slammed the door and locked it. I slid down the door and gripped my hair, almost tearing it out. 

_‘Let it just flow away, just let it flow away!’_ I told myself, gritting my teeth. I often have panic attacks because of my blood lust fearing I’ll hurt someone. Sometimes I have breakdowns because I just can’t handle it.

I tried to breathe the best I could but I felt like my mind was tearing itself apart and trying to repair itself as feelings spilled in, clouding it. I couldn’t think properly. 

My breathing picked up as my chest tightened and my heart ached. All the symptoms were normal, the lack of air, the heartache, the mind clouding, however, one thing that wasn’t the same was that Shiro wasn’t here to help me through it.

Back when Shiro was alive he would help me through my panic attacks. He’d caught me having a panic attack in mine and Yukio’s bedroom after coming home and not saying a word, just rushing up to my room.

He’d come up a few minutes later after I went up and saw me leaning against a wall, one hand on the wall, the other gripping my chest trying to breathe. My blood lust had gotten higher than it should have.

It wasn’t my first panic attack caused by my blood lust but it was one of the first few. Though, I told Shiro it was my anger and that I thought I might desperately hurt someone or worse, someone close to me.

Remembering those times with Shiro reminded me of what he used to do. _‘The shower!’_ Shiro would help turn on the shower as cold as possible for me, it helped distract me and helped me come to my senses and calm down. Shiro would often stay silent until my breathing was under control and I was also alright. He would then proceed to talk to me and ask me about everyday things.

I stood in the shower letting the cold water wet my dry clothes and make me shiver at the icy water. 

I stood in the shower, eyes closed and leaning against the wall feeling my hands sting at how tightly they were clenched in a fist. 

I stood in the shower letting myself focus on the icy water wetting my hair and clothes as I still felt my head compacted with feelings. Eventually, I sat down in the tub and rested my head in my arms resting on my knees still letting the water run over me.

My breathing steadied out as I took deep breaths keeping my eyes closed as my memories of me and Shiro went away and I went back to my curse. _‘I felt like I might kill someone today for the first time in a long time, this isn’t good.’_

I stayed in the tub for another hour before getting out and breathing slowly while I took off my _very_ wet clothes. 

I later put them in the washing machine to try get the blood stain out but I doubt it'll ever come out. 

When I was finally able to go to bed I spent the night clenching my covers trying to sleep and not hurt my brother. Which was successful but it was hard when he woke me up at 6 AM! 

_'Who in the right mind gets up at 6 am?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Feedback is greatly appreciated.


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